The Second Annual davemackey.com Super Bowl Ad Review (Incorporating a Biggest Loser Update)

Yes, it's the moment you've all (some?) been waiting for. What did Dave think of the Supes ads this year?

Just a little disclaimer: I went from watching the bowl on a 50" LCD HDTV last year to a smaller set in my girlfriend's TV den. I did not have access to a DVR this year to play back any commercials that either grabbed or stupefied me, so everything's on the fly this year. (Note: all spot titles are mine and unofficial.)

The best Super Bowl spot of the year is... (Drumroll...)

Bud Light "Wedding Auctioneer" (A)

The best Bud Light ads (and there were six in this year's Bowl, making it the most advertised item) start with the smallest ideas. How do you speed up a wedding to get to the Bud Light quicker: Answer: hire an auctioneer to officiate.

The other Bud Light ads ranged from just as good to "Ehhh.." in this order:

• "Face Slapping" (A-), with face slapping replacing fist bumping as a custom. I didn't count, but there must have been more slaps to the face in this one spot than in a whole week of MyNetwork TV.
• "Hitchhiker" (B+), another funny idea with a guy looking for a ride, armed with an axe and a case of Bud Light.
• "Talking Apes" (B)
• "Rock Paper Scissors" (B-)
• "ESL Class" (C+) - I marked this down due to some sad stereotyping.

FedEx "Names" (B); FedEx "Moon" (B)

FedEx ranks high because of their ideas, and "Moon" would have been a contender due to its odd length (45 seconds), but the use of tired old pop music in the background cut this one down a grade. Spots losing points for this reason also included Budweiser "Dalmatian Wannabe" (B), General Motors "Fired Robot" (D), InfoUSA/Salesgenie.com (D), and Coca-Cola "Fountain of Youth" (C)

Hewlett Packard "Chopper" (C)

TLC's Paul Teutul, Sr. shows us how computers figure into his Orange County Choppers operation, everything from bike design to bookkeeping. "And my sons download a ton of music!" This spot would have been an A if not for the annoying, gratuitous, co-op requirement at the end.

GoDaddy.com "Marketing" (F)

I go to Network Solutions for my domain names. When you buy a domain from GoDaddy, they make you buy other stuff as well (per a disclaimer). Probably adware. And the ad was horrbile. Where do they find these skanky chicks? eHarmony.com? And GoDaddy gets an F- for repeating the same spot later on. Hey, if you're gonna spend $2.6 million to be in the Bowl, BRING A DIFFERENT PIECE OF CREATIVE FOR YOUR 4Q SPOT!

Sprint Power Up Mobile Broadband (D)

Disguising your commercial as a pharmaceutical ain't funny anymore. It'll probably be grounds for an automatic deduction, like....

Toyota Tundra Pickup (C, both ads)

These two and the Doritos homemade ad (also C) automatically lose one grade for "DO NOT ATTEMPT" - proving the ultimate creators of these ads are the lawyers.

Disney "Meet The Robinsons" (D)/Lions Gate "Pride" (F)/Touchstone "Wild Hogs" (C)/MGM "Hannibal Rising" (C)

Movie trailers are actually a breed apart because they're not actually created for the Bowl, and as thus will not be considered for the Super Bowl XLII roundup. "Pride" sounds awfully deriviative, a true-story movie about black college sports. "Meet The Robinsons" - Disney, go back to cel animation, PLEASE! The others, ehh. At least they're not for movies you won't actually see until mid-August. Also in the "existing creative" department were Flomax, Snapple Green Tea (which has corn syrup as its second ingredient, so that's their deal), and T-Mobile (Barkley in an ad was a great idea).

Chevrolet "HHR" (D)

And this is what you send you kids to college for? To make sorry ads like this? In the age of YouTube, we now have rank amateurs doing the commercials, people taking their clothes off over an SUV. (Jesus God.) The NFL has similarly announced that next year's halftime entertainment will be Brookers.

Emerald Nuts "Robert Goulet" (B)

Easily Emerald Nuts' best creative yet, because they aren't trying to force their initials on us in some new "clever" way. Raise your blood sugar by eating Emerald Nuts, or else Robert Goulet will show up. (Funny, when my blood sugar is low, I get visited by Jerry Van Dyke.)

Nationwide Insurance "Kevin Federline Loses His Cred And Winds Up Working In A Fast-Food Joint, Demeaning The Entire LEGITIMATE Restaurant Industry In The Process" (D)

If only it were a good ad.

Bud Select "Shula vs. Jay-Z" (C)

Thankfully rap stars weren't as in evidence as in years past, as the NFL seeks to distance itself from that element. Jay-Z gets off Beyonce for 30 seconds so he can play a neat football game with Don Shula.

Honda "CR-V" (F)

The Bullymobile as Vegas act. It's not the second coming of Elvis. Honda did have a much better ad later in the game, its (B) effort showing cars doing the old obstacle course weave around gas pumps, effectively showing their economy.

Garmin "Mapzilla" (D)

The only ad for a gee-whiz gadget (no Wii? No Windows Vista?) should have been much better executed than it was. It looks cheap (on purpose?)

Revlon Colorist "Sheryl Crow" (F)

Damn, they got the addresses for CBS and Oxygen's traffic departments mixed up AGAIN!

Taco Bell "Taquitos" (C)

Now that it's apparently safe to eat at Taco Bell again (where's those coupons luring us back in, guys?), they give us talking lions. Ooooo-kay.

At least the game was pretty good, if one sided this year (the Colts won, in case you didn't hear), and Tracy's homemade chicken fingers (my only Super eating, considering I'm at -8 for the diet now) really hit the spot! So it wasn't a total waste of times. But clearly, Madison Avenue has to BRING IT next year, or I won't watch at all.